Rainy Night


My foot stands still at a chosen speed. I’m not driving fast. I want to linger in this moment, to make it last…

My car is swimming smoothly on through darkness and the rain. Its  pace is faster, and it feels as if the car is trying to catch up with it, and it teasingly goes away further, unattainable. I’m watching the wipers, dazzled by the lights of the cars coming opposite direction..white, yellow, blue – they interchange each other. It feels like a movie. And I’m the only spectator and the only character. The whole world has narrowed itself down to me and this endless, spiraling up and down, rain-accompanied road. And Ludovico Einaudi. His piano chords are whirling in the rhythm of rain, echoing the rain drops tapping on the front window, going faster, and slowing down. I’m entranced. I forget to switch onto high beam and drive in complete darkness. Remembering, as I push the handle, the light transforms rain streams into fog coating it, making it softer. As I can tell the wisp of another approaching car in the distance  – I switch on to low beam. It brings me pleasure to do so…for this transient second I feel close to a stranger – some road intimacy is shared, a moment of care…I should have got somebody to care for long time ago – it pleases me to do so…I carry on my journey with my car –short-sighted, full of itself, slicing through the darkness, the time and distance  -as if a ghost lost in the rain.

When a child I had a dream of going to the end of the world. I’m not sure what was desired more: the end of the world itself or the mere trip towards it…I want this journey to last.

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